...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize