I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize