So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
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