so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
