Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
