Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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