hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
