Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize