glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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