You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
