Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
