ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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