My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
