Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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