I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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