Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
