wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
either way he was missing a nipple.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
