Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
