Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you will always have a special place in my vag
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
