you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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