If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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