A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
