I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
