but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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