ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
