I can't watch pbs sober anymore
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
