STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
