my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
