2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
