using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
