im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
