I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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