Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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