and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
