I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
