Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The uberlube is also flammable
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
