I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
