dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
