i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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