It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
