Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
