He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
