We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just puked most of my soul out..
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