i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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