Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We left an ass print on the piano.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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