i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The Olympian is in my bed
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
