2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
