I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
