oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
