No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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