What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
