Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
