wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize