I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
