I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
