I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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