woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
