just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
