Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
