I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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