can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You don't make any sense
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