im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
