I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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