My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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