dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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