I wish i was in the wii world.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
