haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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