I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize