somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize