I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
