I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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