Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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