oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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