real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Pants are for mortals
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